I managed to head home for a total of 27 hours this weekend. After a wee bit of anxiety and tears we rolled into town around 3am Saturday morning.Yes, we. Sean, being the gentleman that he is, didn't like the idea of me driving through the Park (no cell service) at midnight by myself (I'm a dreadful night driver, I fall asleep!) and so made the 8 hour round-trip to pick me up and take me home. I love my white knight *sigh*  Not a word of a lie, the first thing I did was pick weeds out of my neglected cast-iron planter (which is usually overflowing with blossoms at this time of year); It looked very Tim Burton-y. This was the first sign that time had stood still at the Chez Rae. Anyway, let me tell you, my bed is ALL that I remembered it to be, and more. So much more. Pure bliss.  A few hours after I checked out I woke up to the familiar sounds of children waking far too early for summer vacation and it was the first time that I actually enjoyed the sound. Getting out of bed was surreal as I put on what felt like a stranger's housecoat, I felt like a guest in my own bedroom. I noted the layer of dust on all of my shoes that hang on my closet organizer. I ran to the toilet to see if it was as great as I remembered but it felt small compared to the industrial-grade units I've been sitting on every morning. I walked out to the kitchen and was met by hugs from kids and I was home.  A quick call to Dylan's nurse to hear she was ok and I started to relax... I couldn't help but notice the dust. And the whiteboard calendar that was still written in my handwriting and reading March.  So I cleaned. And cleaned, and cleaned. It felt REALLY good. Also it kept my mind off
of Dylan. I only was able to attack the kitchen and living room but I felt at least somewhat better. Until I saw my garden. Eeesh. I shed a few tears, let's just say that. I don't know what I had expected, all but two of my houseplants were also "on the roof" (if you don't catch that reference, ask Sean or I to explain it sometime). I popped in to my store (shout out to From the Ground Up Organics!), and was relieved to see it looked better than I had been envisioning in my restless, sweating nightmares. Carmen and my mom (known to most by Leanna) are doing a phenomenal job holding it together without me. Huge relief, huge. I threw out a few ideas and took a tour but then had to get moving- almost lawnmower time. Sean was the star of the show (read: rodeo clown) third year running. We have the hideous (sorry, but it is) trophy to prove it. This is one of the family's traditions: watch dad get hurt at the lawnmower races while cheering him on dressed in our 77's and green attire. It's a great time and a boatload of fun year after year. Like old times. I laid low, I didn't even tell anyone I was coming to town, so the people who did scout me out were quite surprised to see me. Hugs, tears, tears and hugs and things were good. I got to put my kids to bed, kiss them goodnight and tell them I loved them, in person. It was pretty cool. In the morning I woke up (or tried) the kids individually to say goodbye and give them hugs, Braden, being my sentimental counterpart, got out of bed and cuddled on the couch with me until my ride came to take me back. That was a tough goodbye. Ugh. That kid is so like me it's scary. I got back to Calgary to find that Dilly hadn't tolerated her feed increase and had been turned back down to 5mls. Bummer. She made up for it though by giving huge welcome back smiles and kisses all the while telling me a heck of a story about what I'd missed. It was weird to have a totally bittersweet round trip; I was always leaving someone(s) with a heavy heart but always anxious to get to the end of the drive in each direction. I kind of feel torn in half, that's an accurate way to describe it.